I'll have plenty of other lovely things to look forward to in my man-filled house. Just because I don't have any daughters doesn't mean that I am spared from all awkward conversations and situations, just a big chunk of them.
Not at all.
Since my last post, I have been focusing on the things I will have to endure. So mothers of all girls, these are some of the things that you will get to skip in the years to come:
- I am already having to discuss the status of my sons' nether regions. C, in particular, gives me regular updates on his little buddy. At some point, that will stop and they won't want to me acknowledge that they have nether regions.
- They are going to bring home slimy, creepy, crawly things of all kinds. I will have to pretend to like these creatures because, if they know I don't like them, the boys will use them as a terror device.
- Once I leave the realm of diapers, I am hoping I have a few years of neutral odor before my home smells of B.O. Not long after that, clouds of Axe Body Spray will clog my sinuses the moment I open my front door.
- Boys, way more than girls, go through a really long, weird phase in their early teens. Their limbs are longer than they think, so I'll have to remove all breakables that I got to put back on display after the toddler years. Their skin is awful, but they aren't as predisposed to begin a skin care regime. The body odor/Axe thing will kick in. Oh, and no boys are attractive at this age. This will be the time that I love them from a distance, which will work out well because they won't want to be anywhere near me either.
- They eat a lot now, but I can only imagine the kind of grocery bills I am going to have. Bulk shopping is already going to start in the next few month since F is on real food now. Let's guess how many carts I'll need to fill when I have three teenage boys to feed!
- I think the sex conversation is a bit weirder with boys. I am one of those parents who feels that it needs to come from both parents, so that will be fun and I am sure they will be super comfortable with it.
- If you have seen Transformers, there is a scene when Sam's parents burst in on him when he is in his room. I am sure I will interrupt "happy time" at some point as well.
I know I am in for things I can't imagine. Mothers of boys: what else does the future hold for me?